The story behind this story is quite simple; my son was born at 26 weeks, and spent the first six months of his life in hospital, forcing my wife and I to endure an emotional rollercoaster. During that period, one of my coping mechanisms was to keep a diary, in the hope that, by writing things down, I might be able to get them out of my mind a little, and actually try to get some sleep.

 

So, why publish it at all, and why publish it when I did?

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The when is probably the easier question to answer. In 2018, we reached another milestone in our journey with Matthew, as celebrated his 10th birthday.

 

The why publish at all takes just a little more explaining. In the very early days of Matt's life, crumbs of comfort were few and far between. One source was the corridor of the ward we were in. The walls were lined with photo frames of babies which had been born prematurely and had made it home. My initial thought was that, one day, there would be a frame on that wall with a photo of Matt in.

 

As time passed, and we prepared to leave hospital, I decided not to do the photoframe, but something different. Using some software on a website run by a long-gone High Street photography shop, I created a "photobook" outlining Matt's progress, and written as if by him. When we left the ward, we presented a copy of this book to them.

 

Two years later, we returned for Matt to be formally discharged, and I was told that my book was still there, and that, only the previous day, the father of  a poorly child who was underoing surgery had read it, and taken some comfort from it. Even back then, people said I should look into publishing it 'properly'.

 

In time, I finally got into self-publishing, via Lulu.com, which meant I could hold in my hand a paperback book written by me but without breaking the bank. I thought then about reproducing my photobook, but learned it would cost purchasers between £30 and £40 a copy. Far too much. So I thought about my diary instead.

 

But would this be too personal? Too dark and depressing? For a long time, I thought so. But it kept nagging away at the back of my mind. And then, in 2017, I turned to Facebook to ask if there would be interest in it. I was somewhat surprised by the volume of responses, the vast majority of which was "yes". Most notably was support from some of the medical staff who had been there right at the start of our story.

 

And so, my diary is out there, and is priced in such a way that I am able to donate £1 from every copy sold to the Cots for Tots charity (making no profit at all. The remainder of the cover prices cover what has to be paid for through self-publishing, in terms of printing and distribution costs. ALL of my proceeds from any sales of this book go to Cots for Tots.